
We understand that starting therapy, especially for narcissistic abuse recovery or narcissistic tendencies, can come with a lot of questions and concerns. Many people worry about whether their experiences are "serious enough," if they'll be pressured to leave their relationship, or if their therapist will truly understand their situation. This blog expands on some of our most frequently asked questions to give you a clearer sense of our approach and what to expect from therapy at Two Lights Therapy Center.
I’m not ready to leave my partner and may not want to leave at all. However, I’m worried my therapist will push me to exit the relationship or judge me for staying if I come in for therapy. Does your treatment take this into account?
Whether you stay or go is completely up to you. Encouraging you to leave your partner or cut someone out of your life is not a part of our agenda. You will be provided with psycho-education, tools, and prompts for reflection. This is a judgment-free space to learn & to discuss all of your options.
Oftentimes, we are simply not ready to leave. Shaming ourselves for this reality only does more harm. Some might ask, “But would you ever really be ready given the power of a trauma bond”? It’s a fair question that I would respond to by pointing out that while you might never be “really ready”, there typically comes a time when you feel more emotionally (or physically) prepared. We are here to support you, regardless of your timeline.
What if my partner or ex-partner really isn’t a narcissist though?
Narcissism is a spectrum, and if you are at the point of seeking out our services, it would be unusual for your concerns to lack all validity. If we conclude that narcissistic abuse is not occurring, we will be able to continue our work together to explore what factors are causing the distress in your life and relationships.
Once in a while, someone with severe dismissive avoidant attachment gets mistaken for a narcissist, and while this distinction can be important, the behaviors and traits of both often cause harm. Thankfully, Erika Koch-Weser also specializes in attachment theory and attachment challenges and can help you navigate this situation.
Sometimes, I worry that I might be a narcissist. What if I’m the problem?
We hear this a lot. Ninety-nine percent of the time, this is not the case (If you're thinking "Just my luck, I'll be the 1%!"...know that we hear that a lot too). Mirroring of narcissistic behaviors & tendencies is not unusual in these dynamics and is often an adaptive, protective measure. These behaviors that look like "narcissistic tendencies" can also be learned behaviors from childhood if “fighting dirty” was often modeled for you. Together, we can find healthier ways to stay safe and to cope with any big feelings that are showing up.
While we don’t love the term “reactive abuse”, the phenomenon is very real. Reactive abuse in the context of narcissistic abuse occurs when an individual (after enduring prolonged manipulation and gaslighting) lashes out in frustration, only for the narcissistic abuser to weaponize their reaction as “proof” that they are also engaging in “equally abusive” behavior. This manipulative tactic shifts blame, distorts reality, and reinforces the abuser’s control by making the victim feel guilty and unstable. Reactive abuse is a coerced response to chronic boundary violations, strategically used to manipulate both the victim’s self-perception and the way others view the situation.
All that said:
If you’re genuinely convinced you might have narcissistic traits, Erika Koch-Weser also works with folks who have narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic tendencies. She can help you explore your concerns. This is a judgment-free space to examine your behaviors and explore your treatment options moving forward.
Therapy terms like “narcissist”, “gaslighting”, & “trauma-bonding” are more mainstream these days & I’ve heard people accuse others of “weaponizing therapy language”. Will you believe me when I share what I’ve been going through? Especially if I’m unsure if my partner or ex-partner is really narcissistic?
We will never deny your reality. Our time together in session is not spent diagnosing your partner (you are the client– they are not). Our treatment protocol is much more focused on examining, processing, and undoing any personal harm (to your self-esteem, identity, and mental health) caused by the antagonistic relational stress & conflict you’ve experienced. Educating & equipping you with the tools you need to expedite your healing journey is our main prerogative.
In short, at Two Lights Therapy Center, we believe survivors. Erika sometimes says, “Abuse is abuse. I really don’t find myself jumping to decide ‘how bad’ your experience with abuse was in comparison to other’s experiences with abuse. I don’t condone any amount of any of it.”
Erika also answered a similar question here: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/post/a-word-with-erika-part-1-chicago-narcissistic-abuse-recovery-therapist-therapist-for-narcissist
How do I know if narcissistic abuse therapy services are right for me?
There are a few reasons why people sometimes think our services might not be right for them.
If you’re not sure if our services are right for you because you’re concerned your experience might not be “bad enough” to warrant specialized treatment– please know your experience is valid. We want to hear about it. We want to support you. This kind of distorted thinking is common & could be an effect of the antagonistic relational stress you’ve been experiencing.
If you think you might be challenged by some of your own narcissistic traits, but you’re unsure– don’t hesitate to book a session to explore your questions with Erika.
If you are actively in danger or experiencing a crisis, we may need to redirect you to a higher level of care to ensure your immediate safety (especially given that our services are virtual). While we are deeply committed to supporting you on your healing journey, Two Lights Therapy Center is not a crisis response service, and we are unable to provide real-time emergency interventions. If you are facing an urgent mental health crisis, such as suicidal thoughts with intent, self-harm, or situations of immediate danger, we strongly encourage you to reach out to emergency services, a crisis hotline, or a specialized crisis center for immediate support.
Your safety is our top priority, and we want to ensure that you receive the right level of care when you need it most. If you are in crisis, please consider contacting:
National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (available 24/7)
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for confidential support
Emergency Services: Call 911 or visit the nearest emergency room if you are in immediate danger
For ongoing, weekly support, we are here to help you navigate long-term healing in a structured, therapeutic setting. If there is another reason why you feel our services might not be right for you-- feel free to contact us to ask!
We hope this deeper dive into our FAQs provides clarity and reassurance as you consider your next steps. If you have additional questions or concerns, we encourage you to reach out—we want you to feel confident that our services are the right fit for your needs. At Two Lights Therapy Center, we’re here to meet you where you are, without judgment or pressure.
Want more information on narcissistic abuse therapy? Read more about how Two Lights Therapy Center works with survivors of narcissistic abuse: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/
Want to work with a narcissistic abuse therapist? Virtual Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Sessions for survivors can be booked by emailing: hello@twolightstherapy.com or by visiting: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/contact
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Two Lights Therapy Center | Chicago, Illinois.
Narcissistic Personality Therapy & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Specialists
Please Note: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. While these blogs are written by licensed psychotherapists, readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area.