Attachment-based couples therapy (therapy informed by attachment theory research) helps partners with different attachment styles improve communication, resolve conflict, and reconnect with more compassion and curiosity. Two Lights Therapy Center in Chicago helps couples decode attachment-related confusion in a safe, non-judgmental space.
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ATTACHMENT-BASED COUPLES THERAPY IN CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
What is Attachment-Focused Couples Therapy?
Attachment-based couples therapy is grounded in well-established research on how early relationships shape adult relationships and connections. There is no one “bad” attachment style. Whether you lean more anxious-preoccupied, fearful-avoidant/disorganized, or dismissive avoidant, your patterns aren’t flaws. In fact, they’re adaptations—survival strategies that once served an important purpose (keeping you safe & emotionally regulated!). In our work together, we’ll explore how these dynamics show up in your relationship today and create a path together toward secure attachment.
Couples Therapy For Attachment
COUNSELING FOR CONFLICTING ATTACHMENT NEEDS IN CHICAGO
You and your partner can love each other immensely and still feel like you're speaking different (emotional) languages at times. You may struggle to make sense of how they handle conflict or express their needs. You may find your well-intentioned partner makes you feel constantly criticized. Your partner may claim to love you, but seem distant and disconnected.
The conflicts you are experiencing might be a sign of different, contrasting attachment styles. I help couples examine these patterns and create a plan for a better future. Your conflicting needs can often even become opportunities for learning and connection.
Many couples get stuck in painful, never-ending cycles of pursuing, withdrawing, shutting down, or even exploding. It’s not uncommon for people to get close to giving up without realizing these reactions often come from deep attachment needs that can be remedied. When we bring awareness to these patterns and dynamics in therapy, your arguments start to make more sense, and your defenses can soften.
Through therapy, we can shift from seeing our partners as the problem to seeing them as a person just trying to get their needs met—just like you are. Therapy becomes a space to rebuild a solid foundation together.
Important Disclaimer About Couples Therapy & Safety
While I specialize in working with couples navigating attachment challenges, it’s important to clarify that I do not offer couples therapy in cases where there is ongoing or active abuse in the current relationship.
Couples therapy is not typically appropriate or effective when one or both partners are experiencing emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. In those situations, prioritizing safety and individual healing takes precedence over repairing the relationship dynamic. Attempting joint therapy in the presence of abuse can unintentionally reinforce harmful patterns, place one partner at further risk, or create a false sense of resolution.
In my practice, “couples therapy” often describes a situation where one partner has a history of narcissistic abuse (whether in their family or a past relationship) that is now affecting their current relationship. When the current relationship is supportive and safe, therapy can be a powerful space to understand how past wounds/attachment learnings are showing up and work together to find relational safety. This work is most effective when both partners are engaged, emotionally safe with one another, and committed to better communication and growth.
If you're unsure whether your relationship might fall into this category, I encourage you to reach out for an individual consultation first. I can help assess whether couples work is a safe and supportive option, or whether individual therapy or other resources may be more appropriate at this time.
