A bit about the business: Erika Koch-Weser founded Two Lights Therapy Center in Chicago, Illinois with a mission to address the critical gap in care for individuals impacted by narcissism & narcissistic abuse. Recognizing the scarcity of specialized support in this area, Erika dedicated her practice to providing compassionate, expert guidance to help clients navigate their healing journey and reclaim their sense of self (including clients who are struggling with narcissistic personality styles themselves)! Below, Erika Koch-Weser, LCSW, NATC (Chicago narcissistic abuse therapist) answers a few, common questions about the narcissism specialty.
Question: Do you think the word narcissist is overused?
Erika: Yes & No. Do I think some people are getting a little wild with it & slapping it on people a little too hastily? Sometimes! That being said, I’m glad people are waking up to the reality that is the existence of narcissism, and exploring the ways it impacts their lives and those around them. I think we have to be really careful that we aren’t censoring folks who are exploring and discussing those impacts. Unless you are directly affected by someone who is truly weaponizing the word “narcissist”, I would say let them be. It may have taken someone a long time to be able to admit they’ve been abused by someone who is narcissistic. There’s no reason to derail their healing journey just because you’re tired of hearing a word.
While I don’t mind people using the word, as a therapist, I don’t really think of people as “narcissists” or not narcissists. I think narcissism is a spectrum, and most people know someone who falls somewhere on that spectrum. I’ve found that “narcissist” can sometimes be an unhelpful label unless it’s being used by a survivor of abuse who finds the term to be validating. At the end of the day, it comes down to whether it resonates with the individual. Many behavioral patterns that hurt people daily ARE, in fact, narcissistic by definition. While I don’t love throwing around the word personally, I try to mirror the language of my clients & I never tone police. I think others should do the same. Let someone use the word if they want to.
Question: What made you choose to work with folks who have narcissistic tendencies in addition to working with survivors of narcissistic abuse?
Erika: I don’t have a very good answer to this because it’s difficult to put into words. The deeper I’ve gotten into the survivor-side of things, the more I’ve felt drawn to see what work can be done with the perpetrators. The research has always pointed to work with these folks being pointless and, in my experience, it’s simply not always true. While drastic change is not always possible, individuals with narcissistic tendencies are not all the same. It’s way more complex than some care to believe. I sometimes wonder if the more aggressive form of that stereotype is a coping strategy given that hope can be very dangerous for survivors. I get it-- but we (as clinicians) have to stay curious.
I want to be clear that narcissistic folks who are actively abusing other people do not get a free pass, and hoping that the narcissistic person in your life is going to change overnight is never wise. This work takes years and ongoing treatment…typically for life. Two things can be true at the same time: there is no excuse for abuse AND there is significant trauma/pain on both sides that can be explored in therapy. Whether or not the work we do together is successful is case-dependent.
Question: Do you enjoy your work? It seems heavy.
Erika: I love my job. I shudder at the thought of doing anything else. I believe this is because I’ve built my practice & my schedule to support my continued enthusiasm. I’m not the kind of therapist who can see 8 clients a day. I envy those who can, but it isn’t realistic for me, so I keep my caseload low. I find joy in being present & focusing deeply during each session so that each of my clients gets the energy from me that they deserve. This keeps me loving my work & helping clients see results.
Want to work with Erika? Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Sessions for survivors can be booked by emailing: hello@twolightstherapy.com
Two Lights Therapy Center | Chicago, Illinois.
Narcissistic Personality & Abuse Recovery Specialists
Disclaimer: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. Readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area.