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How Do You Heal From Narcissistic Abuse? | What To Do When Therapy Hasn’t Helped

Woman in white blouse sits on a sofa with a tablet, surrounded by pillows. Brick wall and potted plant in bright, cozy room.

It can be hard to hear, but healing from narcissistic abuse can take a long time. Many survivors enter therapy with the hope that the relief will come on quickly, only to feel disappointed when change doesn’t happen overnight. Even with a supportive therapist, many survivors eventually notice that progress slows or their work feels incomplete. At that point, it’s easy to wonder: Is my therapist the problem? Am I the problem? Is this kind of therapy not working? The reality is often infinitely more complex:


Therapy provides a solid foundation, but change requires that both the right therapeutic modalities are used and that clients are actively integrating the work outside of session. If you feel like therapy “hasn’t worked”, it often means you may have reached the point where deeper, body-based (somatic) approaches are needed. Insight and reflection are powerful first steps, but without integrating bottom-up trauma therapies like EMDR or parts work, the nervous system can certainly stay a bit stuck in old survival patterns.



Why Insight Alone Often Isn’t Enough


Talk therapy can create space for important “aha” moments and awesome insights, but psychoeducation and understanding what happened are only part of the narcissistic abuse recovery process. Without approaches that address both the mind and body, it’s not uncommon to feel like you’re circling the same issues without resolution. Gaslighting and trauma bonding wreak havoc on the nervous system and can cause substantial dysregulation. Talk therapy (and the corrective, relational work that happens there) absolutely needs to be a substantial part of narcissistic abuse therapy, but insight and validation alone aren’t always enough.


It’s important to note that these modalities (bottom-up therapies) like EMDR require a foundation of strong rapport and relational safety, because we can only process trauma in the context of trust. So, you haven’t been wasting your time in therapy. It’s likely just time to ask your therapist about trying something new. 


The Client’s Role in Healing From Narcissistic Abuse


It’s important to remember that therapy isn’t something that happens to you. Therapy is something you do with your therapist. Survivors who only process during sessions but don’t practice new skills or take healthy risks outside of therapy will often feel stuck. This isn’t a sign that therapy has failed; it’s a signal that deeper engagement is needed. Depression and PTSD-like symptoms are not uncommon after narcissistic abuse, and if you are struggling to find motivation to "do the work", it can be important to explore barriers and also additional supports. Always remember: this is not an issue of laziness or incompetence. Expanding care teams to include a psychiatrist is often a requirement in cases where a client is struggling with significant and concerning feelings of hopelessness ( + a lack of motivation).


Why EMDR is a Crucial Part of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapy


I use EMDR more and more each week in my practice. Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) is a powerful therapeutic modality for processing trauma and treating the root of your challenges. Instead of just talking about what happened, EMDR helps your brain reprocess painful memories so they lose their emotional charge. By reprocessing these painful memories, sensations, and core beliefs, EMDR helps reduce emotional reactivity, quiet shame, and rebuild trust in your own reality. When combined with active participation between sessions, EMDR can help survivors feel in control of their lives once more. 


Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) is one of the most effective trauma therapies available today. For survivors of narcissistic abuse, this can mean:


  • Feeling less triggered by memories of your abuser.


  • Releasing shame and self-blame.


  • Building trust in your own reality again.


  • Moving beyond fight-or-flight mode.



What To Do When You Feel Stuck


If you’ve been in therapy for a while and aren’t seeing progress, consider asking yourself:


  • Am I integrating what we discuss in sessions into my daily life?


  • Have I explored body-based trauma therapies like EMDR or parts work?


  • Am I open to staying consistent, even when change feels slow?


  • Do I need to expand my care team to include additional supports or a higher level of care?


These questions aren’t about pointing blame and are actually about reclaiming your role in the process. Learned helplessness can be an unfortunate side effect of antagonistic relational stress, but it’s vital that clients practice making the shifts that are within their control. Healing is collaborative, and the more you engage with it, the more you get out of it.



EMDR Therapy, Narcissistic Abuse Therapy, Couples Therapy, Family Therapy & More in Chicago, IL


If you’re looking for narcissistic abuse recovery therapy and EMDR therapy in Chicago or the surrounding suburbs, working with a trauma-informed, narcissism specialist can make all the difference. Learn more about my narcissistic abuse and narcissism-focused services:







 

Explore my website to see all treatment options.

 

 


Two Lights Therapy Center PLLC | Chicago, Illinois.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapy & Narcissistic Personality Disorder Therapy


Please Note: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. While licensed psychotherapists write these blogs, readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area. 

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