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Why Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Takes Time: A Chicago Therapist for Narcissism Explains

A glass hourglass with black sand is placed on a wooden surface, casting a shadow. Warm light creates a calm, reflective mood.

Recovering from narcissistic abuse can take years, and hearing that can make us feel so alone, helpless, and hopeless. As a trauma therapist and narcissism specialist who works with survivors of narcissistic abuse every day, I want to speak directly to the part of you that feels empty and exhausted. The part that’s frustrated that you’re still affected by someone else's actions. The part that resents how much time, energy, and money it takes to heal the pain you didn’t choose. I hear you. I get it. I’ve been there. And I also want to be honest with you: this work does take time. But if anyone can survive this, it’s you. Look how far you've already come.



The Truth: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Typically Takes 6+ Months of Therapy


There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline when it comes to therapy, but in my clinical experience, most people need at least 6 months of consistent narcissistic abuse recovery therapy to begin seeing real, sustainable shifts in the wake of narcissistic abuse and antagonistic relationships. Of course, that does not mean you won’t feel better sooner than that, or that you won’t start reclaiming your identity before that time. It's just that rewiring your nervous system takes time, as does unlearning painful patterns and forming new neural pathways. The brain can be flexible, but adjusting it gently takes engagement, effort, trust, and dedication. 



This Isn’t Your Fault. It Never Was. But Healing Is Your Responsibility.


Here’s the hard truth we’ve all had to face. What happened to you wasn’t your fault, but healing from it is your responsibility. And that’s incredibly unfair. I don't even like writing it down! You shouldn’t have to undo the damages that someone else has caused, but if you’re reading this, it likely means you’re the kind of person who doesn’t want to stay stuck or feel like this forever. You’re willing to do the work that it takes, and that makes you both brave and powerful. The reality is, sometimes no one else is coming to save us. Part of this recovery process is building self-trust. That means utilizing our own strengths and skills to heal ourselves, proving (to ourselves) that we have our own backs. Which leads me to…



Therapy Isn’t a Magic Wand. You’re the One Driving This Process.


Sometimes people come into therapy expecting a therapist to wave a wand and offer instant clarity, closure, and confidence. I wish this were how it worked, and I get the temptation of that belief, especially if you’ve been gaslit into thinking you’re “broken” or “too much” and just want someone to finally fix it. The reality is that therapy isn’t something that happens to you. It’s something we do together, and much of the transformation happens when you carry the work outside the room.


  • Journaling and processing.


  • Practicing radical acceptance and distress tolerance.


  • Feeling your feelings without judgment, observing them only with kindness and curiosity.


  • Letting go of the urge to diagnose or fix everyone else around you.


Avoidance is an adaptation. It serves an important purpose and, at times, it keeps us safe. However, if you’re only engaging during sessions and not continuing the work between sessions, progress will feel much slower. That’s just how change works (and that can be hard to sit with)! Exploring safe ways to process distress on your own is a key part of stabilization in my therapeutic approach. 



Ask Yourself: How Long Were You in Survival Mode?


If you’ve spent years (or decades) in abusive, invalidating, or confusing dynamics/environments, it makes sense that recovery will take more than a few sessions. It’s easy to forget how deeply entrenched those patterns can be, especially when you’ve adapted in order to survive the abuse.


People who were raised by narcissistic or emotionally immature parents may have found themselves in narcissistic friendships and relationships later on in life. If you’ve had a lifetime of relational trauma, my heart goes out to you. Before judging yourself for not being "over it" yet, consider this: Is it reasonable to expect a few months of therapy to undo years of psychological harm?



Narcissistic Abuse Therapy Doesn’t HAVE to Take Forever


The good news is, recovery can feel faster when we take an active, curious role in it. Here’s what supports the process:


  • Consistency: Showing up weekly or biweekly without large gaps


  • Integration: Reflecting, regulating, journaling, or practicing skills between sessions


  • Self-Compassion: Letting go of urgency, judgment, and shame


  • Pacing: Knowing that stabilization, safety, and regulation come before insight


  • Honesty: Being real about what’s working, what’s not, and what’s still hard for you



You Deserve Therapy That Honors What You’ve Been Through


It’s okay if you’re tired. It’s okay if you wish this whole process were faster. But please don’t let that frustration turn into self-blame. Healing is nonlinear, and together, we will grieve the time and energy it has taken just to feel more like yourself again. If you’re doing this difficult work, even imperfectly, you’re already doing much, much more than you realize.


If you’re looking for a therapist who understands the nuances of narcissistic abuse and narcissism, you’re in the right place. I help clients make sense of their reality and reconnect with all parts of themselves after years of antagonism, confusion, gaslighting, and coercive control. 



Narcissistic Abuse, Couples Therapy, Family Therapy & More in Chicago, IL


If you’re looking for therapeutic support, learn more about my narcissistic abuse and narcissism-focused services:







 

Explore my website to see all treatment options.

 


Two Lights Therapy Center PLLC | Chicago, Illinois.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapy & Narcissistic Personality Disorder Therapy


Please Note: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. While licensed psychotherapists write these blogs, readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area. 


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