Somatic EMDR for Dismissive Avoidant Attachment: Why it Works So Well For Avoidants (When Talking About Feelings Can Be…A Lot)
If you lean dismissive avoidant in relationships, traditional talk therapy might sometimes make you feel really exposed. Don’t even get me STARTED on how activating couples therapy can be for a more dismissive avoidant person, especially if it feels like your partner is running circles around you, processing at lightning speeds! You know there are things lurking beneath your surface, but sometimes you just really don’t want to sit there, analyze, and articulate them in real-time (with someone staring at you). Here’s why EMDR for dismissive avoidant attachment (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be such a good alternative to talk therapy when working towards attachment security!
Dismissive Avoidants don’t need to perfectly articulate their emotions in EMDR therapy
With EMDR, you only have to give your therapist a “headline”. This might be a memory, a somatic sensation, or a more general theme. There’s no pressure to share every detail of what you’re feeling or thinking about, and there’s often no sense of an “emotional interrogation”. You also won’t be asked to explain the feelings that haven’t fully formed for you yet, a common problem in talk therapy. In EMDR therapy, the processing happens internally. Using bilateral stimulation (with a light bar), we help the nervous system to process and reintegrate traumatic memories. In many ways, EMDR supports the claim that many avoidant individuals have been making all along: talking about things over and over isn’t always helpful.
Dismissive Avoidants can expand their capacity for vulnerability without feeling exposed
Dismissive avoidants often do feel deeply, but grew up having to rely only on themselves when it came to emotional regulation (without proper parental attunement or thoughtful support). EMDR supports a gradual emotional experience with an attuned figure present, but without the overwhelm, softening protective defenses without forcing openness. The EMDR model can help people feel both safe and in control of the pace of sessions. It can be hard to heal and feel when what you actually feel is…cornered.
And EMDR is not just for avoidants...
EMDR Therapy For Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment (AP)
EMDR is such a gift for people who overthink and seek reassurance because it helps to shift their nervous system out of panic and analyze mode and into integration. It also helps because:
There’s less room for rumination or people pleasing
You don’t spend the session trying to think your way out of your feelings
Healing happens somatically, not just intellectually
EMDR Therapy For Fearful-Avoidant (FA) (Also Called Disorganized Attachment)
Individuals with disorganized attachment often experienced some very significant early traumas and thus have deep betrayal wounds. EMDR helps support the part of you that longs for connection and also the part that fears it. EMDR helps you to:
Access the early trauma without flooding you with overwhelm
Build more internal safety & lessen reactivity (crucial for FA nervous systems)
Repair the early attachment blueprints that make closeness feel urgent, desperate, and dangerous.
EMDR doesn’t force you to talk your way into recovery and instead helps you feel more safe in connecting with yourself (which makes connecting with others more possible). While exploring a therapy that isn’t talk therapy can feel strange, once you get used to the silence, I think you’ll find this modality is pretty magical.
Starting EMDR Therapy For Dismissive Avoidant Attachment
If you are looking to find secure attachment, we are here to help. With the right support, attachment patterns can shift and transform. Whenever you are ready, we can assist you in exploring your options.
Looking for EMDR therapy to address your attachment trauma and attachment style? Read more about how Two Lights Therapy Center approaches attachment trauma treatment: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/
Want to work with an attachment trauma specialist for therapy? Virtual Sessions with Erika can be scheduled by emailing: hello@twolightstherapy.com or by visiting: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/contact
Two Lights Therapy Center PLLC | Chicago, Illinois.
Narcissism & Attachment Trauma Specialist and Psychotherapist
Please Note: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. While these blogs are written by licensed psychotherapists, readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area.
