EMDR for Narcissistic Abuse in Chicago: We're Targeting More Than Memories
As a Chicago-based therapist specializing in EMDR for narcissistic abuse and complex trauma, I often explain that we are not limited to targeting memories alone with this modality. One of the biggest misconceptions about EMDR is that it only works for “big traumatic events.” While significant, event-based trauma can absolutely be addressed with EMDR (PTSD symptoms), narcissistic abuse is commonly associated with a more complex trauma. The impacts of narcissistic abuse don’t often originate from a singular moment in time but instead from repeated exposure to antagonistic relational stress. EMDR for narcissistic abuse must address memories, nervous system states, body sensations, and the accompanying, generated negative beliefs. With Somatic & Attachment-Focused EMDR, we can target the way trauma shows up right now. Not all trauma is memory-based. Much of it is state-based, belief-based, and somatic.
The EMDR Target Types We Work With in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery:
1. Event-Based EMDR Targets (Commonly Associated with PTSD)
These are specific moments:
An experience of violence or assault
An explosive argument
The discard
A major betrayal
A moment you realized something was very “off”
The day you tried to leave
2. State-Based EMDR Targets (“Being Around Them”)
Sometimes the trauma isn’t one moment. The target becomes the internal experience of existing in that environment. This is extremely common in narcissistic abuse. It’s the state:
Feeling unable to express yourself
The feeling of knowing your partner is being unfaithful
Walking on eggshells
Feeling small, frozen, burdensome
Constant hypervigilance and anxiety
3. Trigger-Based EMDR Targets (Present-Day Reactivity)
These are the moments that catch you off guard:
A text notification
A certain tone of voice
Certain kinds of touch
Social media banners
A certain song
Being ignored
Feeling criticized
4. Belief-Based EMDR Targets (“I’m not safe”)
Narcissistic abuse installs beliefs at a nervous-system level. These beliefs can be directly targeted with EMDR, even if you can’t name a single origin memory:
“I’m not safe.”
“I don’t matter.”
“I’m the problem.”
“I’m bad.”
“I’m annoying.”
“I have to earn love.”
“Something is wrong with me.”
5. Somatic-Based EMDR Targets (Body Sensations)
In SAFE EMDR, we can start with the body itself. No story required. Your nervous system holds the map:
Tight chest
Numbness
Shoulder pain
Clenched jaw
Lump in throat
Heavy stomach
Shallow breathing
Knot in your back
Why This Matters for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
Narcissistic abuse is relational trauma. It’s chronic, sometimes subtle, and cumulative. That means the EMDR protocols used must be flexible, attachment-aware, and somatically informed. This is why working with a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse, C-PTSD, and attachment trauma is truly essential.
If you are trying to find EMDR therapy for narcissistic abuse, C-PTSD, or complex trauma in Chicago (or anywhere in Illinois), you’re welcome to reach out. We're happy to help you explore whether Somatic & Attachment-Focused EMDR feels like the right fit for you.
Contact Two Lights Therapy Center to learn more about somatic and attachment-focused EMDR therapy and how we can support your recovery.
Want to work with a specialist? Virtual Sessions with Erika can be scheduled by emailing: hello@twolightstherapy.com or by visiting: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/contact
Two Lights Therapy Center PLLC | Chicago, Illinois.
Therapist Specializing in Narcissistic Abuse & High-Conflict Relational Dynamics
Please Note: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. While these blogs are written by licensed psychotherapists, readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area.
