Why You Shouldn’t Use the Word “Narcissist” in Court | Chicago Narcissism Specialist Explains
- Two Lights Therapy | Chicago Narcissistic Abuse Therapists
- May 15
- 4 min read
Updated: May 16
The Importance of Using Strategic Language to Protect Your Credibility and Communicate Effectively in Court
The temptation to describe your ex as a narcissist to drive home the severity of what you or your family have endured is completely understandable. Whether you’re navigating a high-conflict divorce, a custody battle, or some kind of nightmare contested will situation, you’re likely ripping your own hair out at this point, wanting to scream your truth from the rooftops.
When you’ve been subjected to unbelievable levels of manipulation, gaslighting, or coercive control, the word narcissist may feel like the only one that truly captures your pain and paints the right picture. However, in legal settings, the very language that feels validating and that you usually use to describe the narcissistic abuse can actually work against you. Let’s explore why it’s better to avoid using the term “narcissist” in court—and what you might want to say instead (but ask your lawyer first!).
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE. This post is NOT written by a lawyer—just a therapist who’s seen sh!t go sideways fast when certain words get tossed around in court. Always talk to your attorney before making any big legal moves. Seriously. :)
Why Calling Your Ex (Or Anyone!) a “Narcissist” in Court Can Hurt Your Legal Case
While your ex may display narcissistic traits or even meet criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, labeling them as a “narcissist” or “NPD” in court can come across as speculative or emotionally charged. Courts want facts, not diagnoses—especially from non-clinicians. Unless you are an expert witness, you are unlikely to benefit from using this kind of language. You don’t want to come across as “hysterical”—a loaded, outdated term/label that’s been weaponized against women for centuries to dismiss valid emotional responses. I hate even using the word in this blog, but unfortunately, the courtroom still isn’t always kind to people who show strong feelings, no matter how justified they may be.
Instead of labeling or becoming dysregulated, describe the patterns of antagonistic relational behavior that have impacted your well-being, safety, relationship, or co-parenting dynamic. Use terms like:
“coercive control”
“intentional manipulation”
“ongoing antagonistic relational stress”
“frequent intimidation”
For Example:
Rather than saying: “He’s a narcissist who always blame-shifts, manipulates our child, and twists the truth!”
You might say: “There’s a long-standing pattern of coercive control, where he distorts past events and pressures our child to be dishonest and hide communication from me.”
This communicates the same issue, but in a way that courts take more seriously.
Using Terms Like “Narcissistic Abuse“ Can Undermine Your Credibility in High-Conflict Cases
The terms “narcissist”, "gaslighting", "trauma bond", and “narcissistic abuse” have become so common in pop culture/pop psychology that courts may see them as a red flag for personal bias, not evidence. The unfortunate reality is that these words/terms have been diluted and watered down by the media. If you use the word casually or repeatedly, it can make you look vindictive, emotionally reactive, or even unwilling to co-parent appropriately/cooperatively.
Even when your concerns are completely valid, your message can get lost (I know it sucks—I'm sorry!). Judges and legal professionals are more likely to listen if you present concrete, behavior-based examples using neutral, descriptive terms like:
“chronic and constant disregard for parenting agreements”
“pattern of emotional volatility and abusive behaviors”
“intimidating communication style”
“ongoing relational aggression”
“persistent relational conflict and antagonism affecting our child”
This shifts the focus away from blame and intention and toward the actual impact on you or your family.
How to Talk About Narcissistic Behaviors Without Using THAT Word
You can still easily describe narcissistic dynamics using observable, provable behaviors and relational impact.
Instead of... | Try saying... |
“She’s a narcissist who gaslights me constantly.” | “There’s a repeated pattern of minimizing my concerns and denying events that I recall clearly.” |
“He’s emotionally abusive and selfish.” | “He often uses threats and guilt to control parenting decisions, which creates a hostile environment for our child.” |
“They’re a narcissist and lie constantly.” | “There’s ongoing relational stress due to frequent dishonesty and refusal to share accurate information with me or the court.” |
These phrases still capture the dysfunction and frustration, but in a way that the legal system can utilize, understand, and respect.
A Gentle Reminder: Your Feelings Are 100% Valid
Being told not to use the word “narcissist” in court doesn’t invalidate your experience. It protects it. The goal is not to silence, tone-police, or moderate you, but to equip you with language that actually holds weight in the legal system. The words you choose in court can be a tool, not just for justice, but for reclaiming your own power. If you’ve been subjected to coercive control, chronic relational stressors, emotional abuse, and other forms of antagonism, you deserve support.
Learn about our narcissistic personality & narcissistic abuse recovery services at Two Lights Therapy Center PLLC:
Want to book a session with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse therapy? Virtual Sessions for survivors can be scheduled by emailing:
hello@twolightstherapy.com or by visiting: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/contact
Two Lights Therapy Center PLLC | Chicago, Illinois
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapy & EMDR Trained Psychotherapist
Please Note: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. While these blogs are written by licensed psychotherapists, readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area.
