Why Relational Therapy Matters for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery | Chicago, IL

Relational Therapy For Narcissistic Abuse Recovery & Betrayal Trauma Treatment

When we experience narcissistic abuse, the attachment wounding we experience is, by definition, relational, not just psychological. It is all too easy to forget the impacts of relational aggression in abusive relationships. Unfortunately, parts of pop psychology often only place significant emphasis on physical abuse in such a way that dilutes the horrifying reality of other types of antagonistic relational stressors. When emotional and verbal abuse are forced to play second fiddle to other forms of violence, survivors question the validity of their pain. 

Narcissistic dynamics distort your sense of safety, but they also distort your self-worth and the trust you have in others. That’s why a relational approach to therapy is one of the most powerful tools for narcissistic abuse recovery. We must connect to heal. A relational approach to therapy centers the healing power of this connection. Rather than focusing only on clients’ symptoms or surface-level therapy strategies, relational approaches emphasize the therapeutic relationship itself as a tool for transformation. Trauma—especially relational trauma like in narcissistically abusive dynamics—is often created in unsafe relationships and must be healed within safe, attuned ones. This is key to neural rewiring.

Here are just a few of the reasons why I think that relational therapy is essential for survivors of narcissistic abuse:

Why Relational, Attachment-Informed Therapy Matters For Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

1. Relational Safety Helps Reveal & Heal Shame

Narcissistic abuse often leaves survivors drowning in self-doubt and shame. While embarrassment makes us feel like something we DID is bad or stupid, shame makes us believe that WE OURSELVES are bad, stupid, and worthless. Survivors typically find themselves wondering, "Was it really that bad? Am I being dramatic? Was it my fault?" These internalized beliefs do not shift through logic alone—they need to be felt and undone in a safe, attuned therapeutic relationship.

Relational therapy creates an emotionally safe space where you don't feel judged or pathologized. Instead, you are seen, cared for, and understood. This kind of relational safety is the antidote to shame. When your nervous system senses genuine care and consistency, it begins to rewire, and deeper healing becomes safe & possible. As a therapist, it's amazing to watch this happen in real time.

2. The Therapeutic Relationship Is the Intervention

Survivors of narcissistic abuse often struggle to trust others and feel seen without the lingering fear of dismissal, rejection, or manipulation. A trauma-informed, relational therapist doesn’t just analyze your patterns—they offer an entirely new relational experience.

Over time, this therapist-client dynamic becomes what we call a “corrective relationship” that gently challenges the belief that closeness and honesty always lead to shame or harm. This slow, reparative trust-building is where some of the deepest healing happens, and the more sound the therapeutic relationship is, the more authentic you are able to become. There is nothing I love more than being that corrective relationship for my clients and showing them that their thoughts, feelings, and ideas DO matter (& are invited/appreciated).

3. EMDR for Narcissistic Abuse Requires Strong Rapport

While EMDR can be a wonderful modality for reprocessing and integrating traumatic memories, it’s something to be taken seriously, especially for complex relational trauma like narcissistic abuse. Without a strong therapeutic bond, EMDR can feel ineffective, overwhelming, or even destabilizing. It can be incredibly difficult to focus on processing if you are constantly overcome by anxiety, wondering if your therapist truly has your back through this intense work.

In EMDR therapy, we are actually going TOWARDS the pain (intentionally), and this is not easy to do if you do not feel comfortable with your therapist. In fact, most of the time, your system will not let you anywhere near that pain if you don't feel centered in the therapeutic space. A strong, sound relational foundation ensures that EMDR feels grounded, freeing, and safe. When trust, connection, and attunement are prioritized (so a client can stay within their window of tolerance), EMDR can be an absolutely life-changing treatment for some clients. My feeling is that this work is nearly impossible without an authentic therapeutic connection. 

Curious to see if relational therapy is right for you? I specialize in helping clients recover from narcissistic abuse by integrating a relational, attachment-informed EMDR approach into my therapy treatment. Learn more about the various services I offer at my practice, Two Lights Therapy Center:  https://www.twolightstherapy.com/

Virtual Sessions can be scheduled by emailing: hello@twolightstherapy.com or by visiting: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/contact 

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Two Lights Therapy Center PLLC | Chicago, Illinois

Relational Narcissistic Abuse Therapy & EMDR for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Please Note: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. While these blogs are written by licensed psychotherapists, readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area.