If you’re looking for a narcissistic abuse therapist, finding the right fit is crucial. Therapists are not one-size-fits-all, and not all therapists understand the unique dynamics of narcissistic relationships. The wrong approach can slow your healing— or even cause harm, making you feel even more gaslighted or misunderstood. We don’t gatekeep here at Two Lights Therapy Center, but we are passionate about clients receiving the care they deserve. Therapy is relational— finding the right therapist will be one of the most important things you do moving forward.
Here are four red flags to watch out for when choosing a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery:
1. Narcissistic Abuse Therapist Red Flag: They Police Your Language
If your therapist shuts you down for calling your partner narcissistic— even after you've experienced emotional abuse, gaslighting, trauma bonding, and manipulation—that’s a red flag.
While therapists shouldn’t diagnose people who aren’t their clients, their first priority should be your safety and stabilization, not tone-policing or debating semantics. If your therapist dismisses your reality instead of helping you process and heal, they may lack an understanding of narcissistic abuse— or even trauma in general.
A good therapist meets you where you are and mirrors your language in a way that makes you feel seen, heard, and validated. If they’re more focused on gatekeeping terminology or using their credentials to undermine your experience, that’s not expertise—it’s ego. Sure, a therapist may gently correct misconceptions or provide updated psychoeducation, but if it feels belittling or invalidating, that’s a sign to reevaluate the fit.
P.S. !! HOT TAKE: It’s also a bit concerning if a therapist dismisses your attempts to educate yourself through platforms like YouTube, TikTok, or Reddit. Yes, internet content should be consumed critically, but there are many valuable, accessible resources out there. Dismissing everything outright (especially when experts like Dr. Ramani offer so many amazing, free resources) feels out of touch. You deserve a therapist who respects your curiosity and helps you discern credible information rather than shaming you for seeking it.
2. Narcissistic Abuse Therapist Red Flag: They Over-Emphasize Boundaries
Setting boundaries is essential in most relationships, but boundaries don’t stop abuse in narcissistic dynamics. If your therapist frames boundaries as the primary solution, they may misunderstand the power imbalances at play.
In narcissistic relationships, boundaries are often met with punishment, escalation, or manipulation. A therapist who overemphasizes them may unknowingly perpetuate victim-blaming instead of guiding you toward true narcissistic abuse recovery. While setting boundaries with yourself might be a huge part of your healing, narcissistic folks trample over boundaries (and have fun doing so!). The best boundary to set with a narcissist comes in the form of "low-contact" or "no-contact"! Unfortunately, this isn't always possible. The right therapist will help you discern which boundaries are useful and which are only going to bring more disappointment.
3. Narcissistic Abuse Therapist Red Flag: They Focus on “Better Communication”
If a therapist suggests that improving communication will resolve your relationship issues, they don’t understand narcissistic abuse dynamics.
The problem isn’t how you communicate— it’s that a narcissistic partner distorts, deflects, and invalidates. No amount of clear or calm communication can change a relationship where power and coercive control are the real issues.
That said, your therapist SHOULD teach you about ways to communicate that protect your peace and keep you out of harm’s way. These techniques are necessary tools to be used in only specific circumstances.
4. Narcissistic Abuse Therapist Red Flag: They Recommend Couples Therapy as a First Step
Oof! A therapist who immediately suggests couples therapy for narcissistic abuse is a major red flag. Couples therapy can become a playground for narcissists, allowing them to:
Manipulate the narrative & gain sympathy
Turn the therapist against you, making you feel even more isolated (unfortunately, this is more common that people recognize)
Use/learn more therapy language to further control you
Narcissistic abuse therapy should center your healing first— not focus on fixing a dynamic that is running on power and control. Unless your couple's therapist specifically works with narcissistic relationships, attempts at repair in this setting can cause more damage, pain, confusion, and chaos.
Finding the Right Therapist for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
When searching for a therapist for narcissistic abuse, look for one who:
Offers proof of advanced training
Is (ideally) a Certified Narcissisted Abuse Treatment Clinician (NATC)
Understands narcissistic abuse dynamics
Prioritizes your safety, healing, and autonomy
Validates your experience instead of minimizing or policing your reality
Provides trauma-informed, narcissism-informed care
The right narcissistic abuse therapist won’t just tell you to set boundaries or communicate better—they’ll help you reclaim your reality, heal from emotional abuse, and find safety in relationships moving forward (including your therapeutic ones). Therapy should be a corrective experience. It should never make you feel more judged.
Are you feeling ready to start therapy? Read more about how Two Lights Therapy Center works with survivors of narcissistic abuse: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/
Want to work with a narcissism expert? Virtual Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Sessions for survivors can be booked by emailing: hello@twolightstherapy.com or by visiting: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/contact
Two Lights Therapy Center PLLC | Chicago, Illinois
Narcissism Therapy & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Experts
Please Note: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. While these blogs are written by licensed psychotherapists, readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area.