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A Letter to Healing Survivors in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Updated: Jan 20

Survivor, It’s hard to know where to begin. If we were in the same room, I’d offer you a cup of tea and a blanket—not because they could mend your aching heart, but in the hope they might bring a small moment of comfort in your healing. Maybe we’d sit in silence for a while, letting the stillness do the talking. Then we’d speak—about the narcissistic abuse, about love, about pain, about everything– all at once…then more quiet contemplation or time for tears. Sometimes, just knowing someone else has even a small semblance of understanding is all we need in a certain moment.


It’s a lonely, painful, and isolating journey, having lived through an experience so many struggle to understand. Perhaps you feel the urge to share your story but hesitate to use the word narcissistic or abuse, afraid of being accused of “throwing them around.” Society has diluted the terms, and in doing so, deepened the survivor’s wounds (& prolonged the healing process). We’re silenced by shame or criticism, taught to tiptoe around the truth with euphemisms: antagonistic, relational stress, coercive control. We’re told to say anything but what we mean. What agony it is to censor our own experience, to be tone-policed in our vulnerability—especially when vulnerability was already punished so cruelly in our dynamic with the one who hurt us.


If there’s anything I want you to take from this, it’s this: You didn’t make "a mistake". You weren’t foolish, and you are not to blame. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. You thought you saw something– and maybe you did. Unconsciously, maybe you felt it was a chance at healing, to revisit an old wound and set the bone right...or a chance to give love and to receive it. You offered your honesty, your light, in the hope that love could conquer all...and someone who could not accept or appreciate that light tried to snuff it out.


Your vulnerability is not a weakness. It’s your strength. It might take time—years, even— for that truth to fully resonate. Right now, you may feel exposed or exploited. You might not be ready to see your openness as a gift. That’s okay. Just know this: others can see it, even if you can’t yet. You are special, smart, and infinitely complex. You’re also hurting, as anyone would be if in your shoes.


Even now, as you read, you are healing. You will comfortably take up space again. One day, your feet will gladly meet the floor at the sound of your alarm. You will laugh, you will smile. Food will taste good again. Your thoughts will wander to brighter places, away from the pain. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Don’t carry the burden of doing the work for someone who has long clocked out.


You are seen.


Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Sessions for survivors can be booked by emailing: hello@twolightstherapy.com 


Two Lights Therapy Center | Chicago, Illinois.

Narcissistic Personality & Abuse Recovery Specialists


Disclaimer: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. Readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area.

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