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2 Counterintuitive Ways to Begin Healing After Narcissistic Abuse or Antagonistic Relational Stress



Recovering from narcissistic abuse or antagonistic relational stress is a complex and deeply personal process. While common, mainstream advice often focuses on cutting ties quickly and “moving on”, these counterintuitive approaches should be considered and can help you honor your emotions, building a better foundation for long-term healing.


Accept All Your Feelings Without Judgment


One of the most important steps in this kind of healing is to accept and honor all your feelings without judgment, including your feelings of love for the narcissistic person in your life. It might feel contradictory to acknowledge that you still love someone who caused you harm, but two things can be true at the same time: you can love them and also accept that the relationship cannot continue.


Shaming or judging yourself for your lived experience only slows the healing process. Instead, practice self-compassion by acknowledging your feelings as real and valid. Healing often begins with embracing the complexity of your emotions rather than forcing them to fit into neat categories of "right" or "wrong." You don't have to hate the person that is hurting you in order to leave.


Don’t Rush the Healing Process


We all wish we'd left sooner, but we need to be realistic– healing doesn’t happen overnight. If it’s safe to do so, take the time you need before severing ties, honoring your own pace. Rushing through the process can lead to unresolved feelings, deepened self-doubt, and even a quick return to the same antagonistic relationship. Many people who leave toxic relationships suddenly or prematurely find themselves questioning whether they "tried everything to make it work", feeding into growing self-doubt and regret.


This is a hill I will die on– if it’s safe to do so, you shouldn’t leave until that is YOUR decision that YOU have made. You shouldn't go low-contact or no-contact simply because your friends/family demanded that you do so. Self-determination is a gift you should give to yourself to manifest more empowerment. You’ve spent so much time with someone who has made every decision for you or, at the very least, insulted your ideas. This time– this is yours. Let it be your idea. Let it be your choice.


Sometimes, experiencing more discomfort is necessary to feel confident in your decision to leave. This process isn’t about prolonging pain/ putting yourself in danger, but rather about giving yourself the time and space to work through the many emotional layers so you can move forward with clarity and some confidence.


Disclaimer: When Safety Is a Concern


If you are being abused in a way that makes you fear for your life or safety, this advice does not apply. Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and malignant narcissists are capable of inflicting severe harm. In these cases, prioritizing your safety and seeking immediate help is critical.


Please note: this blog is not giving anyone prolonged permission to stay in a relationship with someone who is actively harming them mentally or emotionally. Rather, it honors the complexities of the leaving process, which can be particularly challenging when children, shared assets, shared social systems, or family ties are involved. If you have to ask yourself whether or not this person might hurt you– it is time to leave.


Healing with Support


Healing from narcissistic abuse can be very overwhelming, and it’s okay to take small, deliberate steps and bite-sized pieces. If you’re navigating this process right now, know that you don’t have to do it alone. As a therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery, I provide compassionate, individualized support to help you reclaim your sense of self and build a brighter future.


Ready to take the next step? Read more about how Two Lights Therapy Center works with survivors of narcissistic abuse: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/


Want to work with a narcissism specialist? Virtual Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Sessions for survivors can be booked by emailing: hello@twolightstherapy.com or by visiting: https://www.twolightstherapy.com/contact 


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Two Lights Therapy Center | Chicago, Illinois.

Narcissistic Personality & Abuse Recovery Specialists


Please Note: The information provided in these blog posts is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or therapeutic services. While these blogs are written by licensed psychotherapists, readers should not use this content as a replacement for individualized advice or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please call 911 or contact other emergency services in your area. 

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